Childhood should be a time of growth, wonder and excitement, and children should learn and experience a world that is filled with endless possibility where they feel safe and loved. But not all children experience the carefree joy of childhood…sometimes, it hurts to be a child. Keeping your child safe is the most important responsibility of being a parent.

Many parents are shocked to learn that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will become a victim of child sexual abuse before the age of 18. Sadly, this abuse most often occurs at the hands of someone the child – and their caregivers – know, love and trust.

While the stats are staggering, the solution is clear: 95 percent of child sexual abuse is preventable through awareness, education and teaching conversations with your children. There are a few ways to talk with your children about staying safe, avoiding situations that may become unsafe, and how to access help any time they may feel uncomfortable or not quite right. At Lauren’s Kids, we encourage teaching personal safety from a place of fun, not fear for keeping your child safe.

Tips for Keeping Your Child Safe

“Stranger danger”is obsolete!

In more than 90 percent of abuse cases, a child is suffering at the hands of someone they – and the adults in their lives – know and trust. Ask your child to draw what they think a stranger looks like. They will probably draw an intimidating and scary-looking man with a weapon, or some candy or a leash (“Help me find my dog!”). Use this as a touch point to explain to your child that a stranger is just someone they don’t know well, and that you can’t tell if someone is safe or unsafe based on how they look on the outside, or even how well you know them. Teach your child that they should instead decide if a person is safe or unsafe based on the way an adult makes them feel. This is a great segue to our next tip for keeping your child safe…

When talking about touch, use the terms “Safe” or “Unsafe,” not “Good” or “Bad.”

It’s important to realize that child sexual abuse can be confusing to a child. If a child is being abused, some touches may physiologically feel good…but intellectually and emotionally, a child feels confused and may want it to stop. “Good” and “bad” are qualifiers that children may not be able to fully understand, but “safe” and “unsafe” are a bit clearer. Explain that safe touches emotionally make us feel happy and loved, and unsafe touches make us feel hurt, confused, icky or not quite right.

Talk with your children about the difference between “Safe Secrets” and “Unsafe Secrets.”

A safe secret is one that will eventually be told and will make everyone smile – like a surprise party or a secret handshake with your best friend. An unsafe secret is one that makes a child feel nervous, guilty, sad or confused. If an adult asks a child to keep a secret and never tell, it is an unsafe secret that must be told to a trusted adult immediately. And always remember, touching secrets must also be reported to a trusted adult. Brainstorm examples of safe and unsafe secrets with your child to ensure they know the difference, and play the “what if” game.

It’s really important to remember to use the terms “safe” and “unsafe” whenever possible. Remind your child that they decide if something is safe or unsafe based on how it makes them feel and they have the power to stay safe by using their voice. Teaching these terms will assist in keeping your child safe.

Help them develop a “Trusted Triangle”

We often use activities to illustrate how important it is to have trusted adults to go to when things don’t feel quite right. Here is one example of an activity that keep kids engaged while learning valuable lessons. With this Trusted Triangle, kids choose three grown-up buddies that they can talk to about anything, whether when something doesn’t feel right or even just a bad dream! Children can remember to keep telling someone how they feel until they get the two “H’s”: Heard and Helped.

This activity is directly from Lauren’s Kids’ Safer, Smarter Kids personal safety curriculum, used in our Pre-K through grade 3 lessons (visit ParentToolkit.LaurensKids.org for more of these tips and activities!).

“It’s OK to Tell”

Encourage your child to speak up if something does not feel quite right. As Rodney and Lauren learn in our book Lauren’s Kingdom, “If you’re choking back tears and your heart’s filled with fears…you know very well, it’s OK to tell.” This book is designed to guide parents through talking safety with their kids using the fanciful backdrop of a young girl’s imagination. In the book, the children find their voices, teaching children important lessons of self-esteem, respect for yourself, listening to your guiding voice, and asking for help from a trusted adult.

By using engaging tools at home, you can start the conversation with your children to help keep them safe and learn the importance of using their voice! For some help along the way, the Lauren’s Kingdom is free for download on Apple’s App Store, Android’s Google Play and Amazon Marketplace.

By using these tips for keeping your child safe, together we can end child sexual abuse! To learn more, visit www.LaurensKids.org.

This guest post was written by Lauren Book, founder of Lauren’s Kids, an organization dedicated to educating and raising awareness about the growing issue of child sexual abuse.